My life is pretty busy nowadays, but when I do get some downtime, I take it to the hardcore extremes. That is, I play Google Feud by myself and read graphic novels in bed with a nice cup of chamomile tea.
I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is ‘yes’ – my current lifestyle has been directly influenced by Straight Outta Compton. I have no limits.
I recently came up with another ballin’ activity inspired by the recent glut of Academy Award-ready trailers – Oscar Bait Bingo!
It’s super easy to play. First, I came up with 16 aspects of a film that the Academy loves and made them into a bingo card. Like so…
Now, we can apply this bingo card to some of the most Oscar Bait-y films coming out this year, as exemplified by their trailers.
Some of these movies have me really, really excited to see. Others, not so much. But this isn’t about my anticipation; this is about the Academy’s.
Going from A to Z according to film title, let’s take these 15 films and see if we can get a bingo!
About Ray
Elle Fanning leads this coming-of-age drama as a teen boy in a girl’s body, wanting to make the transition from female to male. That’s ‘LGBTI’ and ‘physical transformation’ checked.
(Note: ‘Undergoes Physical Transformation’ I’m crudely counting as ‘not looking Elle Fanning-ish’ in the same way Monster made Charlize not look Theron-ish.)
Fanning is aided by Naomi Watts, playing the dedicated mum, and Oscar darling Susan Sarandon, playing the not-quite-sure-but-she’ll-come-around gran. We can mark ‘Dat ensemble’ and ‘The Academy loves Susan Sarandon’.
You’ll likely get a number of critics praising Fanning for “a brave performance”, even though playing a transexual character takes no more courage than playing any other regular human being. But hey, call me a cynic.
Darn. Almost got a bingo, but just missed out on ‘Puts on an Accent’. If only Fanning’s character was Norwegian or something…
‘About Ray’ opens in cinemas November
Black Mass
Johnny Depp ‘undergoes a physical transformation’ and ‘puts on a Boston accent’ for this ‘historical’ ‘true story biopic’ of a ruthless killer that sees ‘the former star returning to form’. All eyes are on him, making it easy to forget that the film also stars Benedict Cumberbatch, Joel Edgerton, Dakota Johnson, Juno Temple, Adam Scott and Kevin Bacon. ‘Dat ensemble tho…’
So close again. Maybe you can make a loose argument for this story being politically relevant, but I can’t. And this is my game. So boo hoo.
‘Black Mass’ opens in cinemas October
Bridge of Spies
The most ‘Spielbergian’ film on this list, this ‘Politically Relevant’ ‘Historical’ ‘True Story Biopic’ about the ‘Cold War’ stars Uncle Tom Hanks, whom ‘the Academy loves’.
Nearly secures a diagonal bingo, but can’t quite secure it. Despite staring fellow Oscar nominees Alan Alda and Amy Ryan, it doesn’t quite have the A-lister punch it needs to land the category.
‘Bridge of Spies’ opens in cinemas October
Carol
‘The Academy loves Cate Blanchett’, and now she’s set to star in this ‘historical’ drama about a ‘lesbian’ romance co-led by Rooney Mara. And as with About Ray, I’m placing a cynical bet that both their performances will be labelled “brave”.
Gosh darn it, foiled again by a lack of a distinctive accent. Sure, you could counter-argue that Blanchett is branching out from her Australian accent, but c’mon – this is CATE BLANCHETT! You’d need her to attempt a Swedish accent in order to show us that she’s actually pushing herself.
‘Carol’ opens in cinemas early next year
Concussion
Will Smith attempts a ‘return to form’ by ‘putting on a questionable accent’ (and, thus, making it a “brave performance”) and leading this ‘controversial’ and ‘politically relevant’ ‘true story biopic’ of the man who fought the NFL’s legal team in order to bring awareness of the alarming research regarding American foolball players and later-life brain damage.
It certainly covers a lot of real-estate, but they don’t quite line up to give us a bingo.
‘Concussion’ opens in cinemas early next year
The Danish Girl
Eddie Redmayne ‘undergoes a physical transformation’ to look like a total babe in this ‘historical’ ‘true story biopic’ of the first ‘transgender’ person to make the physical transition from male to female.
I wasn’t feeling generous enough to give this the ‘Academy loves either Redmayne or The King’s Speech director Tom Hooper’ category. Not that it would have mattered though – The Danish Girl would have needed ‘a very cool or pretentious gimmick’ to get the bingo. (Personally, I would have shot it in black and white until Redmayne’s character completed the transition, with everything being in colour. Diversity man, it’s deep.)
‘The Danish Girl’ opens in cinemas after Christmas
Freeheld
Julianne ‘Academy loves me’ Moore and Ellen Page lead this ‘politically relevant’ ‘true story biopic’ as a ‘lesbian’ couple fighting against a legal rule that doesn’t allow pension benefits to be passed down to a same-sex partner. (You know SOMEONE’S getting a “brave performance” nod out of this.)
The lead pair are going to be very strong in this film, but let’s not forget ‘dat ensemble tho’ aided by Michael Shannon and Steve Carell.
Again with the accents!
‘Freeheld’ opens in cinemas a few weeks before Christmas
The Hateful Eight
‘The Academy Loves Quentin Tarantino’. They’ll also eat up the very cool gimmick of a one-room Reservoir Dogs post-‘Civic War’ Western with an ‘ensemble’ to die for.
Not a bad layout, if you were playing 4×4 naughts-n-crosses with a huge head-start.
‘The Hateful Eight’ opens in cinemas next year
Joy
‘Oscar darling’ and gif Goddess Jennifer Lawrence leads David O. Russell’s ‘historical’ ‘true story biopic’ of dynasty businesswoman Joy Mangano, bringing the regular O. Russell ‘ensemble’ along comprised of Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro.
Dammit, O. Russell, why couldn’t you give this one to Spielberg?
‘Joy’ opens in cinemas after Christmas
Macbeth
Michael Fassbender. Marion Cotillard. Shakespeare tragedy. You can work this one out.
(Shakespearean’s an accent, right?)
‘Macbeth’ opens in cinemas early October
Ricki and the Flash
‘Meryl Streep’ ‘undergoes a physical transformation’ (sort-of, not-really, but they’ll call it) to play a rock-n-roll mum. That’s some simply Oscar bait – hook, line and sinker.
Despite having all the Streep-ness one movie can handle, it’s not enough for a bingo.
‘Ricki and the Flash’ is now playing in cinemas – check here for session times and locations
Spotlight
Look at ‘dat ensemble’ – Michael Keaton, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams, Liev Schrieber, Stanley Tucci – tackling the ‘politically’ ‘controversial’ ‘true story’ of the Boston Globe journos who cracked the story of abuse within the Catholic Church. Having fallen short of Oscar glory with Birdman, Keaton continues his ‘rise to form’ like the phoenixman he is.
So close in numerous ways! It’s a pity the film didn’t wait a few decades before releasing, give Spielberg the director’s chair, or go off on a tangent about the war in Iraq.
‘Spotlight’ opens in cinemas January next year
Steve Jobs
Taking place in three single moments in ‘history’, ‘Academy Golden Boys’ Danny Boyle and Aaron Sorkin ‘transform’ Michael Fassbender into the late Steve Jobs for this ‘true story biopic’. Also stars Seth Rogen, Kate Winslet and Jeff Daniels. Whoar, ‘dat ensemble’…
If it wasn’t for Fassbender being so ‘on form’ at every single thing he does, we could have had a bingo! What a dick. What. A. Dick.
‘Steve Jobs’ opens in cinemas January next year
Suffragette
With Carey Mulligan, Helena Bonham Carter and a fair helping of ‘Meryl Streep’, this film tackles a slice of ‘history’ essential to the feminist movement. Even today, many seem a bit unsure and uninformed with feminist issues, making this a ‘politically relevant’ film. I have little doubt this unease will also have people ignorantly screaming “controversy” and “brave performance”.
If only they could spare a role for Lindsay Lohan…
‘Suffragette’ opens in cinemas during Christmas
Trumbo
Here’s our final film, and I’m all out of bingo hope…
Aided by a quality ‘ensemble’ supporting cast, including ‘Oscar honey’ Helen Mirren, Bryan Cranston breaks his post-Breaking Bad lump with an ‘on form’ role at Dalton Trumbo – a screenwriting master of Hollywood who got caught in the ‘political’ witch hunt for communists.
Holy crap, it’s a bingo!
‘Trumbo’ opens in cinemas during Christmas
