Christmas films are a staple of the holiday season, but they don’t need to all be about magic reindeer. These offer different takes on Santa as well as tales that wouldn’t be the same without their Xmas setting.
Bad Santa (2003)
Two crooks pose as Santa and his little helper in order to rob a mall on Christmas Eve.
To say Billy Bob Thornton plays an unconventional shopping mall Santa would be a disservice to how hilariously disgusting his character truly is. Willie swears openly, he drinks constantly and he could not care less about kids, unflinchingly telling one child how he slept with Mrs. Claus’s diseased sister. However, the film surprised many with its tender turn near the end. There are fewer lines in cinema that define the holiday spirit more than “It’s Christmas and the kid’s getting’ his f***in’ present.”
Batman Returns (1992)
Tim Burton’s Batman sequel, featuring Penguin and seductive anti-hero Catwoman.
Tim Burton has a ‘thing’ about Christmas. We’re not entirely sure what that ‘thing’ is, but it’s steeped in a dark shade of humour. It’s prominently displayed in his other entry on this list, but it’s also very prevalent in Batman Returns, from the innocent woman falling to her death on top of a giant Christmas tree light switch to Catwoman swapping mistletoe for a 10,000 volt taser.
Die Hard (1988)
An off-the-clock NYPD officer is put back on it when terrorists raid a Christmas party he never wanted to go to.
There are some who would debate that Die Hard is a holiday film, but that instead it is merely a film that just happens to be set during the holidays. But NAY, we say! Bruce Willis’ action masterpiece is all full of seasonal spirit and hearty Christmas morals, like the importance of keeping your loved ones safe or how a machine gun makes for an excellent stocking-stuffer. The latter’s acknowledged by John McClane in a great thank-you card to Gruber – the message “now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho” scrawled on one of his henchman’s shirts.
Elf (2003)
One of Santa’s elves finds out he’s actually an adopted human and searches for his father.
Coming off the back of Old School and Zoolander, Will Ferrell was hot property when Elf was released, something that combined with the film’s family appeal to make it his highest-grossing lead role to date. Riffing heavily on its ridiculous premise (that a massive full-grown man thinks he’s an elf like his adopted family, in shades of Steve Martin’s The Jerk) Elf may have started Ferrell’s run of “hey, it’s Will Ferrell as a soccer coach/race car driver/figure skater” films that quickly grew tedious. But in Elf his knack for goofy physical comedy and lack of guile combined awesomely, and director Jon Favreau (Iron Man) showed the chops that would lead him to direct bigger, and even more lucrative films down the line.
Gremlins (1984)
A plague of creatures destroy a small town in Joe Dante’s gleefully black comedy.
You know, if it wasn’t for bloody Christmas, the small town of Kingston Falls would never have been half-destroyed by a pack of Gremlins. Clearly Billy Peltzer was a fussy guy to shop for, which is why his dad ends up procuring him a weird fluffy creature as a gift. Billy’s inability to follow instructions prove disastrous as Mogwai begets Gremlins, and suddenly thoughtless American consumerism has unleashed a wave of death and destruction – before a Disney film and a Barbie car help to return things to normal, proving that only giant corporations can save everyday people from their own stupidity.
Home Alone (1990)
Accidentally left at home by himself, a young boy defends his home from Christmas thieves.
Iconic ‘80s filmmaker John Hughes wrote this seasonal slapstick comedy for Chris Columbus to direct, resulting in a Tom and Jerry-like brand of family-friendly hilarity made possible by the priceless reaction shots of the tortured crooks, perfectly played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. There are many holiday lessons to be learned from Macaulay Culkin’s breakout hit, one being the effects of parental neglect and how it can unleash the homicidal maniac in anyone.
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
An angel takes James Stewart through his past to convince him not to end it all.
This Frank Capra classic has taken on a wonderful life of its own as perennial household viewing in the States on Christmas Day. While we’ve been spared this tradition, there’s nothing to stop you Kiwis drawing the curtains, blocking out the sunlight and busting out this wintery tale of a guardian angel and an averted suicide. Cheery, huh? Well, it must be if John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John need to sing about it.
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
The creatures of Halloweentown attempt to spread Christmas joy, with a horrific twist.
Henry Selick’s stop-motion musical – co-written by Tim Burton and based on a poem from his Disney days in the early 80s – managed to merge a number of different holidays seamlessly into one cohesive universe (something DreamWorks has just attempted), complemented by an art direction that was as distinctive as it was gorgeous. By focusing on both Halloween and Christmas, it proved that those of us considered ‘social outcasts’ can indulge in the seasonal spirit too.
Rare Exports (2010)
Santa’s not the nice guy we think he is, according to this Finnish film.
Instead of the Claus we know thanks to Coca Cola and 20th Century pop culture, the actual Santa discovered in Rare Exports’ archeological dig is more like something out of Grimms’ fairy tales. With an army of emaciated elves running around and punishing the wicked, there’s no sign of the presents that Kiwi kids would be expecting. Hold tight if you’re thinking about saving yourself money this year though, showing this comically gruesome tale to kids may cost you more in bed-wetting nightmare expenses than it saves on a trip to the toy store.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
A boy grows into a Santa-suited killer after being traumatised by his folks’ murder.
Sometimes lumped in with the 1980s UK “video nasty” list of notorious (and therefore compelling) films available on VHS, this seasonal slasher flick was never actually classified in the UK after it caused a largely unjustified uproar in the US, so doesn’t actually count. Like almost every censorship cause célèbre, Silent Night, Deadly Night isn’t as shocking to genre aficionados as we’d wish, but there’s still something great about watching a dude dressed as Santa messing people up with a bow and arrow, axe and even the antlers of a mounted antelope head. Interestingly this outgrossed A Nightmare on Elm Street (released the same week) on its opening weekend.
